I thought a friend of mine was exaggerating when he told me that God of War had a secret sex-with-two-women mini-game. This might be old news, but I discovered last night (by accident, I swear) that he meant it literally.

Since people are already finishing games, I’d better get my ass in gear and post my list of games to play before it becomes Fall Games 2005. So, without further ado:

1. Resident Evil (GameCube) - After umpteen million initial attempts to get used to tank controls, once I did, I had a great time playing “Resident Evil: 0″. The sound was great, the visuals were awesome, and so on. This game is my official warm-up for Stubbs.

2. Final Fantasy Chronicles (PlayStation) - We Final Fantasy fans are mindless sheep. Thrown in some new cut scenes, and we’ll play our way to the slaughterhouse. “Chronicles” is the PlayStation adaptation of the SNES classics “Final Fantasy: II” and “Chrono Trigger”. I beat FFII a few years ago, but I have yet to see the new scenes. “Chrono Trigger” will be brand new for me.

3. Star Wars: Battlefront (PlayStation 2) - I still dream of becoming a clone trooper. Bring on the droid army!

And filling in the rest of the time will be “World of Warcraft”. The world will learn to fear Adenadar, the Dark Elf Druid! (Once he gets off the newbie island.)

[Update: I didn’t want to do this, but Tim’s forced my hand. No. 4 on my list will be Interplay’s Freespace series for the PC: Descent Freespace, Silent Threat, & Freespace 2. Two or three more games (depending on how you count Silent Threat).]

[Update: Onimusha 3 also gets bonus points for giving a credit to a man(?) named “Yoda Poon”. Now that’s an unfortunate visual.]

Check off my first game of the summer: the final installment of the Onimusha series ate the bomb last night with my defeat of Capcom’s Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (warning: turn down your sound if you’re at work or if you hate Mozart). To those of you who remember my dissatisfaction with the first two installments of the game let me say that they finally got this game right. This is a good game.

Damn we look heroic.

(Read on …)

Beyond Good & Evil - Another one eats the bomb. Tim has already commented on this game in the past but I must state that this is one of the best games I’ve ever played. BG&E is one of those wonderful gaming experiences where all aspects of the game (sound, visuals, control, story, gameplay) are exceptional. You can tell that the artists, writers and designers working on this game cared tremendously about the world they created and the characters who live in it. There is depth and detail in places other developers would surely have overlooked. The platforming is intuitive and lacks the frustration of fall, try again, fall, try again. The interface is brilliant and easy to use. The momentum of this game makes it very difficult to stop playing so once you pop, you can’t stop. I give it a 36DD. Play it at all costs.

Now about that Summer games thing… Tim is right in that I conceived EMB Summer games as a time to catch up on all the gaming I missed during the school year. But the hard classes are over and sunshine is good so why the hell not do Winter games instead? Ah ah, hold on there beach boys…Summer Games 2005 has already begun so it’s too late to turn back now. Some careful time management will get you through this. As for my list, it is unrealistic and unmanageable so I have decided to pick two games for each platform and when I finish one another game will fall into the appropriate slot. Here’s the story for now:

Game Cube - Metroid Prime, Pikmin 2
Mac - Zork: Grand Inquisitor, Giants: Citizen Kabuto
PC - Diablo 2, Missing Since January
PS2 - ChoroQ, Ico
XBox - Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath, Halo 2

I’m already neck-deep in Diablo 2 having finished Act I of IV. Stay a while and listen.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

It’s officially summer 2005. Hence, it is officially Summer Games 2005. Time to post those lists and finish those games bitches!

On this two year anniversary of the original EMB Summer Games I’d like to take some time and reflect. A thought occurs as I look out at the beautiful blue sky from my apartment window: why the hell do we do this in the summer? Why do we force ourselves to game during these long sunny days instead of the short, dark and miserable days of winter ? Is it our fear of Melanoma or The Nile Virus or perhaps hot ladies in bikinis that forces us indoors? Or are we condemning ourselves simply because some so-and-so is still getting his degree and has the summer off? Hmmm… I think a mutiny is in order….

But first I need to finish some games!

My official list for 2005 is Hitman 2, Splinter Cell, X-men Legends, Feeble Files, The Last Express, Fallout, No One Lives Forever 2, and if I have time Jedi Academy. I have little hope of success in finishing all these by fall, but maybe I’ll break a leg or something. It should be noted that both Feeble Files and X-men Legends are being played co-op with Jess who more times than not is the one who suggests we play them!

BTW - Those of you who haven’t finished your Secret Satan titles yet, those should be first…

I’ve had the opportunity to crack open Hitman 2, X-men Legends, Feeble Files, and Jedi Academy this last week so I thought I’d give some first impressions.

(Read on …)

Now You’re Playing With Power!

Over the weekend I was lucky enough to be invited to a beta testing of Sega’s highly classified next gen console the “Sega Sleepstation”. Sega is hoping to reclaim it’s past console glory with this amazing machine. Not only will it revolutionize gaming, but it’s also touted as a possible end to drug abuse and war as we know it.

The Sleepstation’s first innovation is it’s size. While the Xbox, PS3, and Revolution are designed to be streamlined and stylish, Sega believes that product visibility is key. They want people walking outside your apartment window to be able to see the Sleepstation and covet it. Sega asks, “Why must technology make things smaller? Why not bigger? TV’s are getting bigger, automobiles are getting bigger, even Americans are getting bigger. So why not a bigger console?” The Sleepstation is contained in a convenient rolling cart featuring three drawers to keep games and game guides in and boasts a deluxe stainless steel finish. No more trashing your console just because you dumped a glass of Coke on it. The Sleepstation has been proven to work underwater for over ten hours!

The second major innovation is the Sleepstation’s controllers. There aren’t any! Simply attach six electrodes to your scalp, two on your chest, and two on your legs. Then affix the patented “REM and Chew” sensors to you cheeks and chin and you’re ready to go! The Sleepstation also has an Olfactory simulator option available as an add-on.

You can tell the machine is on by the red glow in my eyes…

So how does it perform? Well, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement saying I wouldn’t discuss specifics regarding the SSS, but I can say that with it’s revolutionary infinibit technology and neocortex bussing system, the Sleepstation’s specs will trump the competition. The only problem so far in the beta is that performance varies from person to person. While I experienced an immersive and unbelievably realistic virtual gaming experience, the nihilist next to me kept complaining about drab gray walls and repetitive levels.

Next week I’ll report on Sega’s other top secret project. The Portable Sleepstation or “Sega PSS“

Symphony of Destruction

If there’s 2 things I particularly enjoy when playing games, it’s instant action and wanton destruction. I think that’s part of the reason why you’ll hear me rave over and over about Burnout 3. As much as I love sinking deep into a game like KOTOR or Splinter Cell, lately I’ve discovered less and less time to sit down and commit 3-4 hours to a session. Faced with a choice of playing an involved game for only a half-hour or doing some other activity entirely, I invariably pass on the game. Sometimes you only have time for a quick fix but you still want something that delivers the goods.
Enter Mechassault.
Ok, ok, I’m behind the curve. The game’s been out for nearly 3 years, being the flagship title with which Microsoft launched their Live service, and a sequel has already been delivered months ago. Hell, I’ve had it sitting untouched in my library for nearly a year. In any case, I was frustrated with the scant amount of time I had for gaming so I decided to blow the crap out of things. LOTS of things. Big things, little things, I wanted to raze whole cities to the ground and stomp on soldiers like ants.
Again…Enter Mechassault.
(Read on …)

I know that Summer Games 2005 is all about catching up, but I can’t help but feel dated after feeding the bomb to Farcry: a game which I feel has been played out long before I write this entry. In order to assuage my guilt over writing an evaluation of games from two years ago, I thought I’d take a moment to discuss cliche rather than the game as a whole.

I started this game with fresh enthusiasm, hoping beyond hope that Ubisoft had something new and exciting to offer me. The game pleased me with its bright tropical graphics, its satisfying gunplay, and the breadth of tactical options it offered in any given situation. I drove cars, boats, hang-gliders, and the occasional semi-truck. I sniped, I snuck, I went in with guns blazing, and I ambushed baddies from concealed foxholes. All in all it was a pleasant yet bloodthirsty island excursion with enormous freedom to experiment. Then it all went south.

I don’t know what I was expecting the game to be, but when the game stopped being a battle of commandos vs. mercenaries and started becoming a game of commandos vs. horribly mutated psycopathic experimental yadda yadda yaddas, I kind of lost interest. I couldn’t help but feel robbed and I viewed the bug hunt levels as trials to suffer through before getting back to killing mercs. Maybe bug hunting is just getting played out. Or maybe I just hate mercenaries that much. This is one of those problems that make me hesitant to buy FPS games: the games all feel the same after a certain point. Does anyone have any proposals to freshen up FPS opponents?

The other thing that sparked me during Farcry were the “bosses”. There are two schools of thought regarding boss difficulty: 1) bosses should be monstrous behemoths who are really hard to kill, and 2) bosses should be just like other creatures but in a place where they’re really hard to kill by dint of terrain or minions. I suppose there’s also the “Nintendo model” (bosses have one weakness that you must discover), but this is another place where I feel FPS games could use a breath of fresh air. Have we really run out of ideas for shooters? I think it’s really difficult to create an FPS that feels new and fresh when there seems to be a creative constraint on how the game plays out.

As Teddy KGB once said, “I feel so unsyatisfied.”

One last thing: on a scale of Washington to Bush, I give this game a James K. Polk.

Summer Games 2005 has officially begun and the first title on my long list to eat the bomb is Deus Ex: Invisible War. Being a huge fan of the first Deus Ex, I was quite eager to break into this sequel. For those of you who have not played the first Deus Ex, do yourself a favor and add it to your collection. The basic storyline places your character (Alex D) in the center of a conflict regarding the use of biomodification in humans. Though each rival faction you encounter has a stated moral standing on the issue of biomodification, the underlying motives involve conspiracy and a struggle for power. Your character has the ability to be biologically enhanced with choices such as superhuman strength and speed, cloaking ability, control of electronics and robotics, and many more.

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From the very beginning the visuals and audio of DX2 are of remarkable quality and provide a strong sense of immersion. The storyline has just the right amount of nostalgic carry-over from the prequel and the dystopian backdrop is well preserved. The music is excellent and was done by Alex Brandon and Todd Simmons who worked on the first DX.

DX2 claims to be an open-ended adventure where the player’s decisions determine the path and the outcome of the story. Sounds great but sadly the way this feature has been approached is lacking. The motives of each faction are a little too vague for too long and I felt no true motivation to choose one over another. And while the desired effect seems to be open moral choice, the only real choice is which of these warring factions the player will support (i.e. who will I shoot and who will shoot at me). I would rather have seen some definitive separation between the available choices and for these choices to have a recognizable impact on the storyline. It felt like regardless of my choices, the story would proceed in only one way and I could always change my mind later.

(Read on …)