I’ve posted my Xmas album online for all to share. It’s something I recorded in my apartment to give out as gifts to all the relatives last year.

Enjoy!

“Remember me? Me and Billy kicked your ass back in the 80’s!”

I succesfully fought my way through all the races of the earth to become the ultimate champion. Some could say I “mastered” them. Me and my blond hair, blue eyes, and chiseled white body reigned supreme. Let this be a lesson to anyone who’s bald or fat or old or gay or ethnic: the law firm of “Young, White and Blonde” will beat your ass every time.

All joking aside, Super Punch Out! for SNES was as good if not better than Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!. The graphics were much better, the boxers had more moves and were less predictable, and there was nary a pink jogging suit to be found. The first four or five boxers were pretty easy for the veteran video boxer, but they soon got much harder. There was also more freedom to the fight. Where in MTPO you could rarely get in a punch without dodging first, in SPO you have more flexibility to attack first or counter attack.

For those of you with a craving for cartoon violence and tendonitis, this game is for you! Gemu senta ni ikimasho!

It was the end of a long week. I was ready to kick back, crack open one of Miluakee’s finest, and watch some pigskin on the tube, when I realized we were out of beer. And since I’m going out anyway, my girlfriend tells me I’ve got to go grocery shopping. She knew I was only going to pick up liquor and pork rinds, so she made me go over the list with her.

I loaded myself into the grocery-getter and hit the road.

Since the old lady usually does this kind of thing, I wasn’t too sure where I was going. Luckily, this nice gentleman was kind enough to point me in the right direction.

When I arrived, I have to say I didn’t find the store’s selection or presentation much to my liking.

I couldn’t find what I needed, but I did pick up the steak for dinner. Our dog Sport loves gnawing on the T-Bones.

On my way to the next store, I ran into this guy Bob that I work with. Bob was on his way to his weekly paintball throwdown. We made plans to get together for lunch the next week.

I stopped off at a little convenience store to pick up the rest of the stuff.

By now I was pretty thirsty, so I cracked open a beer in the parking lot. I mean, it’s just one beer, right? What could happen?

Thngs weren’t looking too good, because the bridge over the river on the Old County Road had been washed out during a late Spring gullywasher. I did the best I could…

…but it didn’t end well.

So I hitchiked the rest of the way home. The grocery-getter was totalled, and I lost the stuff I bought in the crash. I missed the football game too. My girlfriend was not happy.

___________Drunk Russian_______________________Fat Samoan_______

___________Bald Turk__________________________Squinty Asian______

____________Oily Italian___________________________Clown_________

If they could figure out a way to make a boxer in a wheelchair, they would. It’s like a cartoon Benetton with the Nation of Clown finally getting recognition.

There are too many different nationalities to post here, but suffice to say that each Punch-Out game has about two black Americans, one white American, and then it’s a racial grab bag. Super Punch Out on SNES takes this even further with the addition of a72 year old Chinaman, a Jamaican, a Japanese Transvestite, a Mexican Wrestler, an Irishman named “Aaron Ryan” and of course, Mad Clown. The only conceivable type of boxer that’s missing is a big Lesbian. We could call her “Butch Dykstra”!

Anyone else got some good stereotypes to turn into boxers? Make sure to give them names.