This post is going to sound like the diary of a mad man coming after the previous two, but I feel like I need to post it now rather than later. It seems that I’ve reached a critical threshold with gaming and with life in general.
(Read on …)
You know, Hong Kong has been such a pleasure. It really will be a shame to have to leave it.
I’ve gotten feuding gangs together, made new friends, and have shared the secrets of nano-technological cutlery with them. Now I just have one more stop to make back on level 2 of the old versalife lab before meeting my friends at the tea house. They said reservations were at 8, so I should be there on time unless I run into this bitch again!
By the way, isn’t it summertime in Australia or something? Are we so bound to changes in the earth’s tilt and relative position to the sun? Could it not be Summer Games 2003 forever?
Well, the honeymoon is over folks. Time to get back to real life. I’ll start by guiding my cyborg through futuristic Hong Kong in search of a nano-tech sword. After being frustrated by all the talking, I finally found some action in the most unlikely of places.
Apparantly Maggie Chow’s maid was packing and didn’t take too kindly to my rummaging through the house.
Who’s gonna clean THIS up?
Fall begins today and what do we have to show for ourselves? More importantly, who cares? If nothing else, Summer Games 2003 has been successful in giving some of us something to do with our downtime. Thanks to those who participated and to those of you who didn’t, I hope all that masturbation paid off.
So now what do we do with the website? You’ll see. Check back a little later.
Maaarrrrgghhh
As we all know, today is national Talk Like a Pirate Day. Well maybe we all don’t know it, but I’ll bet Chris does. So in place of gaming today I will be chasing coworkers around yelling at them about some of my favorite topics including parrot care, swabbing the deck, and of course booty. I would also like to point out a fine looking title from Bungie called Pimps at Sea. They’ve been working on it for about 4 years and after the Microsoft acquisition, they’re now reworking it for XBox. Enjoy, me hearties.
Well, it’s been a while, but I’ve taken a 15 minute break from wedding preparations to play some game. All I want to do is go on a killing spree with my napalm thrower and watch the bodies pile up, but noooooo… I’ve got to talk to flower sellers and figure out plots. Sometimes I yearn for Soldier of Fortune…
“Maybe you’d like to buy something for your girlfriend”, the flower seller says.
“Hey”, I say, “that’s a great idea. How about one of those clay pots with the red flowers in them”
“Those are 5 yen each. You want me to wrap it for you?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll just give it to her like this. Here’s 5 and 1 extra for you”
“Oh, thank you. I hope she enjoys it!”, says the flower seller as she hands me the clay pot.
“I’m sure she will. Good-bye.”
Whore
This week, I’ve revisited an arcade classic. It’s not a classic from your arcades or mine but the arcades of Japan. Japanese arcades are the kind of place where it’s normal for a game’s protagonist to wear a hockey mask and bludgeon fleshy beasts to “save the day”. The game makes no sense, the story makes no sense, Japan makes no sense. I give you the screenshot to decide for yourself.
Home Run!
Want to know why I’m not gaming? It’s because I’m getting married on the 20th and am frantically putting together a freak show of a ceremony with my fiancee Jessica. Fellow editors Jeff and Will will be in attendance and will join us at our honeymoon Cape Cod beach house for some hard core drinking and debauchery. I’m sure there will be some incriminating photos posted shortly after. For now, here’s a picture of Jess and I at our unisex shower a month ago. You see, Jess’ Mom and Dad (in the middle) surprised us with a Luau complete with ceremonial dead pig (the cake pictured at the bottom - we’re both vegetarians.) What you can’t see is that the pig has a very realistic asshole sculpted into it’s butt. Jess comes from freaky stock. Can anyone guess why I’m marrying her?
