It’s official. Tim is the spawn of Beelzebub and has forever burned my soul with the sounds and visions from the Playstation 2 thriller, “Mad Maestro”. In keeping with the phrase “Good things come to those who wait”, Mad Maestro takes the wit of B.A. Baracus, the soothing voice of Uni from Dungeons and Dragons, the likeability of Scrappy Doo, and the velvety skin of Edward James Olmost and wraps it up into, truly, the most horrible, but for our purposes, most wonderful Secret Satan Game EVER.

If you don’t get this right, Mothra will dump this coffee on me.

Basically, the game involves hitting the X button to the tune of all the beats of famous classical pieces. Thank God that Bachman Turner Overdrive didn’t make its way into this gem. It’s more or less Dance Dance Revolution with your thumb – half the exercise, twice the carpel tunnel.

You get points for landing the beat perfectly and the amount of pressure can vary depending on the note. If you miss the note too quickly or slowly, you lose points. This format is integrated with wonderfully conceived Japanese to American storylines throughout the game. The depth of the dialogue rivals “Revenge of the Sith” and “Resident Evil 1 (I hope this isn’t Chris’ blood)”.

Is this the entrance to the Norway ride in Epcot?

Strangely enough, I will forge on as I want to see if indeed I can conduct even the most difficult of classical pieces with a drunken thumb. Apologies for the delay in the Secret Satan post. Like pulling a band-aid off that hairy part of your arm, just wasn’t emotionally ready to do it yet.

Good times were had at the Marathon reunion. While Jeff had more kills, I certainly held my own on this particular shot with the SPANKER SSR. Judges? 9.8…9.7…9.5 (Those damn Germans).

OK, so this probably technically doesn’t apply as a video game, but I have to update why I’ve given no posts on the games I’m working on (mainly Wolf 3D). Basically, I’m addicted to online poker (no-limit Texas Hold’Em). Yes, I’ve been caught up in the worldwide craze and even hope to qualify in one of the World Series of Poker satellite tourneys next year. Anyway, that’s me on the right with the enormous boobs. I always try to pick the character at the table who looks most like me.

Okay football fans. Dropped the $15.88 at Target (ridiculous price) last weekend and bought ESPN NFL 2K5. I have Madden 2004 and in my opinion, this game is a step above, price notwithstanding. I definitely like the effects of using ESPN’s actual game graphics. For a football nut like me, it adds to the flava. It’s a little easier than Madden on offense. The big positive difference is that it is easier to control defensive players. Whereas in Madden, they often moved like they were on an ice skating rink, I think the physics of movement is more realistic in this bad boy. You obviously can’t stop on a dime, but there’s no sliding 3 yards past your intended target when attempting to stop. Graphics are very solid, equal to or slightly better than Madden. The stadiums are maybe a notch below but still very serviceable.

I also find just the basic controls more intuitive. For example, when you want to call an audible, you hit a button and a little window comes up with your options as opposed to Madden where you had to memorize your audible controls. I can’t do all those things at once. I’m not an amphibian.

In closing, drop the 20 bill and buy the game so we can get a network tournament season up and running. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? Seriously. Are you ready?

P.S. Patriots suck.

A brief entry but for your viewing pleasure. Please look at what has become of Helga Von Bulow. She used to be such a nice Nazi. I must say. I’m not liking the blackouts when you get injured. Very disconcerting. Oh well, nothing celebrates America’s independence like killing mutated Germans. Gutentag.

So I’m playing Castle Wolfenstein again and I get to this point where a zombie is made entirely of fire and throws the fire at me. I tried to kill him for 2 HOURS and not a dent. Am I missing something here. Any subtle hints would be fine. No outright solutions. I don’t want to feel like too much of a tool

I’m in the village that Kessler led me to through his apartment. Although as you’ll see by the snaps below, I think he had other ideas in mind. The village is very twisty and winding. I’m hoping that behind one of the wooden doors is the magical land of Narnia. Much to my dismay, simply another Himmler lackey.

And you wonder why I never like renting from Avis.

Um, Kessler. Why have you led me into a darkened room and an unmade bed. Wait, is that Barry Manila?ar?

Do you come with the car?