I’m the only EMB editor who admits to owning an xBox 360–I’m also the only EMB editor who qualifies for membership in the AARP. Surprisingly, the two are related as a bright, shiny new console now comes with AARP membership…not really, but what did you expect, some sort of joke about failing Wiis?

Anywho, as the lone 360 owner I feel a certain obligation to play and review games for the PC’s vicious little brother, but these things have a way of getting put off, like sorting the junk drawer or scheduling that colonoscopy (sorry, AARP, remember?). So, I decided to clear my schedule for a weekend, lay in a supply of Depends (sadly, nothing to do with the gaming marathon), Caffeine Free RedBull (gotta watch the hypertension), and plow through a pile of 360 titles that had been mewing for attention like a hungry cat that I thought I fed but maybe that was last week…

First, my gaming rig.

A–McFarlane’s Dragons, series 1. Man, it’s a good thing I’m already married. This would probably be the deal breaker. B–my 360, with the ultra-exclusive “retro” faceplate, hooked up via switchbox to my PC monitor C–EMB rox D–what the hell do all these buttons do? Crap. E–PC under the desk. My PC is so old it can join the AARP. Seriously. Send me a new one.

Ok, now on to the marathon.

5:30 a.m. Rise and Shine. No, I’m not up so early because I can’t wait to get started…old people just don’t sleep much. Decide to be “down” with the other EMB editors and have a typical EMB breakfast…Pop Tarts and beer? Croissants and herbal tea? How the hell do I know what they eat? Give up and just have toast.

6:00 a.m. Ok, first up is Rockstar’s TABLE TENNIS game. I love table tennis. This is gonna be great, how hard can it be? Check out the manual to look at the control scheme. Oh crap. How many button combos? Turns out, it’s actually a great game, and tons of fun. Lots of details, like the growing sweat stains on the players’ shirts, and a mom that comes down the stairs and tells the players that the adults need to use the rec room now. BUY IT!

7:30 a.m. I slap in ENCHANTED ARMS (Ubisoft) which I’ve heard is the first authentic Japanese RPG for the 360. It comes with a little teeny tiny sized graphic novel that–ohmygosh–just like in Japan–you read from left to right and end to front. The game is not terribly unlike oh, say, every other Japanese RPG, but has a unique and sort of interesting battle system where you and the enemy stand on…grids. Anyway, it’s a pretty enough game and the voice acting and cut scenes are effective. RENT IT.

9:30 a.m. Time to take a break. I think I’ll just toggle over to the PC and check my email.

11:45 a.m. Nap time.

1:00 p.m. Ok. Here we go. Man, I wonder if this was such a great idea. Damn you, overarching sense of obligation and pile of free games! I fire up TEST DRIVE UNLIMITED, the new driving game from Atari. Now, when I was a kid, I really liked the arcade version of Ridge Racer, but I lost interest in driving games roughly…er…around the time I LEARNED TO DRIVE A REAL CAR. Hey, if I want high-speed, reckless, near-death road action I just have to wait until the next morning that I oversleep. TEST DRIVE is set in Hawaii (the visuals, settings, and cars are pretty gorgeously rendered) and features a sim aspect (you race, earn money, buy fancy houses and cars, etc), and driving missions, like picking up a prescription at the pharmacy or going to the mall to buy vacuum cleaner bags. Wait…that’s what I did yesterday. Never mind. BUY IT (if you like racing sims)

2:30 p.m. I’m just gonna rest my eyes for a minute.

3:30 p.m. Ok, time for one more before heading to Denny’s for the early-bird dinner special. NINETY-NINE NIGHTS (Microsoft Game Studios), or N3 as it’s known to lazy typists, is the first Japanese RPG for the…wait. That was another game. Ok, this is first Japanese ACTION RPG for the 360. The big bullet point for this one is that your character can fight about a bazillion enemies at the same time, all rendered with that gauzy, soft-focus bloom effect that turns the battlefield into a swarmy mush; it kind of looks like how it would appear if you just went to the optician and had your eyes dilated. Your character can be a magic-using swordsman or a sword-wielding magician, so replay value is obviously endless. But I kid. This game only sort of sucks. RENT IT OR BUY IT USED.