We at Eat My Bomb originally established the seasonal games as a motivational factor to complete unfinished titles. Some sticking points did arise, unfortunately, particularly with games involving no formal plot-line. Trying to say that you’d finished Civ3 was like trying to count to infinity: only Chuck Norris can do it. In order to avoid this logic trap we established the caveat that “completed” meant that you’d played the game to the point where playing further would be an operation in futility, anger, and yes, even social ostracism.

You may ask why I bring this up here. The answer is simple. If I have to play any more of .hack\\outbreak I’m going to shoot myself in a tender spot I view with affection. I will admit to having written positive things about this title in the past, but no more. Allow me a simile: Playing .hack\\outbreak was like hitting on a fat chick at the bar because she’s the only woman in the place. You’ve got nothing better to do, and like riding the proverbial scooter, it’s fun as long as your friends don’t see you do it. Suddenly, Elisha walks in the door and you think to yourself, “Why am I hitting on the fat chick? That’s Elisha. I’m outta here.”

That’s what happened to me when I started playing Dragon Quest 8. DQ8 doesn’t make me feel funny the way certain blondes do, but it does make me cast scornful looks at .hack and think I can’t ever go back. I won’t give .hack a DESTROY rating, because as a wise friend once told me, “fat chicks need loving, too,” but I can’t in good conscience give it anything better than a SKIP.

I don’t know if my fellow editors will allow me to cross this one off my list, but in my mind, .hack is done.