There are two reasons why I have yet to feed Warrior Within the bomb: bad bugs and bad save points.

Here’s the set-up: I’ve just defeated a big boss and have been prompted to save my game. After I save my game, I am treated to a cutscene, a small gaming sequence where I have to run away from the Daikana through an obstacle course, two more cutscenes the latter being a long one, and then I arrive in a room that requires me to run away from the Daikana through three more obstacle courses in order to pull three levers to raise a platform and get out of the room.

First of all, any asshole who thinks it’s a good idea to put a save point BEFORE a series of cutscenes should be strapped to a chair and forced to watch that series of cutscenes over and over again until they go insane (ala Clockwork Orange). This is about five minutes worth of cutscenes which can be fast forwarded (not completely skipped), but only after you’ve watched them once during your current gaming session. So if you have to quit the game (or if it crashes as it’s prone to do), you’ll have to watch them all over again.

After spending a couple of hours fast forwarding cutscenes, getting through the obstacle courses and raising the platform that I need to climb to supposedly get to the next save point, a nice fat bug appears and forces me to quit the game and start over. The platform hasn’t raised all the way to the top and there are ledges floating in the air. I can climb the floating ledges, but without the platform being above me, I cannot progress any further without restarting the game and working my way through the cutscenes and obstacles again with the hope that the bug doesn’t reappear. This game is riddled with bugs, many of which are fatal and unless you’ve got a lot of save slots, you’re fucked. I’ve read that if I take the left path before the right path during one of the obstacle sequences, the bug won’t appear. Excellent.

I’ve unlocked the “floating ledges that lead to nowhere” mod!

Thanks Ubisoft. I hope those QA steps you skipped in order to get this game out in time for Christmas saved you enough money to make up for the backlash and subsequent loss of fan loyalty. I was going to pre-order Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones, but now I think I’ll wait and see if you’ve learned anything. You claim that you’re not releasing a demo for Two Thrones because you’re spending that time making sure there are no bugs, but I just don’t trust you anymore.

You’re dead to me Ubisoft.

I should have this finished by next week and will post my full review and a picture of me with a bald head surrounded by bloody tufts of my own hair.

Here’s a hint: my thumbs will not be pointing up any time soon.