KumbayaaaaaAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!

Even though I’ve been playing Indigo Prophecy for several days, I am still unable to pass judgment. The gameplay changes frequently among adventure, horror, puzzle, and arcade-style action. The game starts with the same content from the demo where your character (Lucas Kane) kills a guy in a diner bathroom Cajun-style. Once this scene plays out, you take on the roles of detectives Carla Vincent and her partner Tyler Miles.

Read more to find out why this game will probably be made into a porn movie.

“Tyler, I think I forgot my pants at your place.”

Detective Carla Vincent is a cop who’s brunette, busty and frequently underdressed. She is thus far a pretty uninteresting character. At the start she did some mild detective work inside the diner of doom but now her gameplay has turned to working out. Behold:

Butterfly Presses and Boxing. What the hell?

Yes this does a good job of showing off her gear but seriously, I’m not missing real life exercise so much that I want to do it in a video game. The weight machine control is similar to the old Summer Games where you simply wail upon the arrow keys as quickly as possible. The boxing game is a bit more interesting. Two 4-colored directional rings appear on screen and you must use the WASD and arrow keys in the correct sequence to keep the fight going. It kinda feels like playing two games of Simon at the same time. Most of the game’s action sequences use this control scheme and seem to be better geared toward console controllers. I realized after a couple of these sequences that I was focusing so much on the color rings that I was missing what was actually happening on screen.

Hey, Quantic Dream, you forgot the lava lamp and disco ball.

Next up, you’ve got detective Miles who is one of the most embarrassingly stereotyped black characters I’ve encountered in any medium. Just about every scene featuring this character is backed by 70’s porno music. Tyler Miles is a cop who grew up on the streets of Brooklyn so he’s friends with every person in creation. Everyone who sees him is like “Yo, Tyler! How’s it hangin’, brother? Where’s that shitty music coming from?” So far he has only provided backup detective work to detective Vincent but I’ve got a feeling he’ll have a grand in-game moment featuring a Cadillac, a really big hat and the words “Jive Turkey”.

P.S. I will never play Black & White again. It will take a lot of convincing for me to play Black & White 2.