Check out the normal mapping on those rocks

The omission of certain movies from one’s viewing past can result in disbelief and ostracism. This holds true for video games as well. And now you understand why I kept my ignorance of The Legend of Zelda a closely guarded secret. The straw that finally broke this camel’s back was my own wife’s boasting about past conquests in Hyrule. Thus began my venture into one of the most beloved gaming franchises.

Given the resources of an 8-bit system and a development team of 7 people, The Legend of Zelda is an impressive piece of work. Its visuals and sound actually hold up quite well considering the game is nearly 20 years old, and its characters have a surprising amount of charm. One aspect of this retro gaming adventure that I could not ignore was the often frustrating gameplay. But when one looks back on the age of 8-bit gaming, it must be remembered that repetitive, difficult mini-tasks were one of the only ways to stretch out what would have otherwise been a 1-hour gaming experience. 8-bit games didn’t have the depth to create a primarily content-driven title that could justify a 5-minute walk from point A to point B because “the trees are so pretty”. Completion and high score were the flavors of the day and any obstacle in the player’s path naturally became a gameplay mechanic. But I digress.

After exploring the many trees, deserts, and mountains in the kingdom of Hyrule, I proceeded through 9 levels (you and I would call them dungeons) in my quest to assemble the Triforce of Wisdom. Each level came complete with a unique boss and a sweet piece of loot to add to my arsenal. Finally I faced off against Ganon, an invisible cheating son of a bitch, who was eventually defeated thanks to a combination of my Magic Sword and Silver Arrows. Once his invisibility started breaking down, I brought the hammer down, beat his face in, and saved Princess Zelda from unspeakable acts of torment. Winnah! All this adventure and I only burned through 42 lives. Erin was quick to remind me that she’s done it in 3. The game starts again with higher difficulty and a rearranged map but frankly, once I see the word “Congratulations”, that title goes on the shelf.

Next up on the docket of classic gaming is The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past for Super Nintendo. It promises more of the same with a deeper story, larger worlds, better visuals and sound, and the return of the bastard king Ganon. Eventually I will work my way up to Twilight Princess for the Wii which continues to haunt me from the ‘incomplete’ stack.