I Dreamt of Clowns

Posted by Brixtone on Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Let’s get a few items out of the way before I start:

1. The Getaway sucks dick. I shall strike it from my list and my game collection.

2. Where the hell is everybody?

3. Will & I didn’t finish Gran Turismo 3. Don’t give us any shit, we’re busy.

4. I like cotton candy.

When things get busy, you have to pull out the games that you can easily walk away from after 30 minutes. To that end I’ve busted out Roller Coaster Tycoon. A lot of time and love into my first park. I called it Screw Russia keeping the anti-Russo theme alive in Summer Games ‘03. It featured great rides like Not Fun (a stupid slide), Rapist Inside (haunted house), Shit Captain (a swinging viking ship), and finally Money Shot (my park’s premium roller coaster). It was a modest start to my life as a theme park baron but you’ve got to pay your dues.

screwrussia.jpg
How low can I sink? Two words: PAY TOILETS

2 Comments »

168

Comment by TimF

8/14/2003 @ 10:58 am

1. The Getaway is the greatest game ever made.

2. Everybody is out doing the most important things there are to be done.

3. You and Will DID finish Gran Turismo and you enjoy receiving feces because you both have a lot of free time.

4. Cotton Candy comes from the butts of Swedish worms.

5. You park looks like it was designed by Kraftwerk. What’s that square of grass in the middle, “Mr. Toad’s Magic Promenade”? Ever hear of an elipse or 45 degree angle? They make those in concrete you know - they’re not just for metal anymore.

6. Jeff, I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.

169

Comment by Jeff

8/14/2003 @ 2:18 pm

An excellent counterpoint, and now for my rebuttal.

1. To test your argument, I put The Getaway into the PS2 one last time. My television caught fire, my neighbor murdered her boyfriend, and I was left with a huge scar on my right arm. Never again.

2. I have no rebuttal for this point. I realize now that people need time with their Barbie dreamhouse. Who am I to interfere?

3. As it turns out, it was Will who finished Gran Turismo using a clever scheme of breaking in every night and drugging me, playing into the wee hours of the morning. He’s now working on Gran Turismo 4.

4. Cotton candy does not come from the butts of Swedish worms but from the nostrils of the Olsen twins.

5. Kraftwerk did heavily influence my park construction. They gave me the idea for the grassy patch known as the “Pocket Calculator Flora Bora”. And the game won’t let me make anything but 90 degree turns you insensitive clod.

6. Not IN love with me? Eat my bomb.

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